"Suddenly Block My Feelings of Arousal - See Therapist?"
Dear Jud,
I am 29. I wanted to ask
you if this is a psychological problem or a physiological one that I
have. When I am with a guy, and he is kissing me or touching, I get
aroused, but as soon as I realize that it's moving toward having sex, I
feel then suddenly like a blockade and cannot get aroused any more.
What should I do?
Do I maybe have to go to a therapist. Could you please suggest one?
Dear "Suddenly Block My Feelings of Arousal - See Therapist?" So, if you are with a guy, and you become aroused from kissing or touching, your body is working just fine. It's when you realize that "it's moving toward sex", that you say you feel a sudden block. Your feelings of arousal turn off at that moment of realization. This happens to a lot of us. No one knows exactly why you turn off at that moment. We turn off feeling for many reasons. You might ask yourself "What am i worried about?"Sometimes we turn off since we are not in the mood, we don't know the person well enough, we don't feel confident in our form of birth control. Sometimes we just don't want to go any further with the person we're with. Sometimes our body acts as if it were going to be invaded or assaulted, and we react by protecting ourselves by turning off our feelings. Sometimes on a deep level, we feel threatened and we don't want to let ourselves feel any more pleasure or any more vulnerable. We stop being in the moment, and then worry about the next steps.When we are with a partner, we are not automatically going toward sex. We have choices all along the way. Here we are again with the roller coaster image of sex, where we get on it with kissing, and we can't get off till we get all the way back to the beginning. Truthfully, we can stop at any point, breathe, can say something to our partner like, I'm not feeling comfortable anymore and i need to stop." When our partner respects our wishes, and the touching stops, it is much easier to resume being sexual when we feel ready. This is true of both men and women. You mentioned seeing a therapist. I think it's a good idea, since sometimes you can benefit from a coach or counselor who can help us along our path. Contacting www.AASECT.org is a good place to start, since that organization, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, certifies individuals in these categories. The website can assist you in finding someone o work with who is geographically nearby. If for some reason, you find it hard to find someone, please let me know.You are in charge of your life and your behavior, and you can make choices about your behavior, regardless of your feelings.Thinking of you,
Jud
Dear "Suddenly Block My Feelings of Arousal - See Therapist?" So, if you are with a guy, and you become aroused from kissing or touching, your body is working just fine. It's when you realize that "it's moving toward sex", that you say you feel a sudden block. Your feelings of arousal turn off at that moment of realization. This happens to a lot of us. No one knows exactly why you turn off at that moment. We turn off feeling for many reasons. You might ask yourself "What am i worried about?"Sometimes we turn off since we are not in the mood, we don't know the person well enough, we don't feel confident in our form of birth control. Sometimes we just don't want to go any further with the person we're with. Sometimes our body acts as if it were going to be invaded or assaulted, and we react by protecting ourselves by turning off our feelings. Sometimes on a deep level, we feel threatened and we don't want to let ourselves feel any more pleasure or any more vulnerable. We stop being in the moment, and then worry about the next steps.When we are with a partner, we are not automatically going toward sex. We have choices all along the way. Here we are again with the roller coaster image of sex, where we get on it with kissing, and we can't get off till we get all the way back to the beginning. Truthfully, we can stop at any point, breathe, can say something to our partner like, I'm not feeling comfortable anymore and i need to stop." When our partner respects our wishes, and the touching stops, it is much easier to resume being sexual when we feel ready. This is true of both men and women. You mentioned seeing a therapist. I think it's a good idea, since sometimes you can benefit from a coach or counselor who can help us along our path. Contacting www.AASECT.org is a good place to start, since that organization, the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, certifies individuals in these categories. The website can assist you in finding someone o work with who is geographically nearby. If for some reason, you find it hard to find someone, please let me know.You are in charge of your life and your behavior, and you can make choices about your behavior, regardless of your feelings.Thinking of you,
Jud
