Hey Jud,
I have been thinking about Chris and Rihanna lately, it's hard not to, based on all the news and web reports on them.  I was wondering, is there any hope for them?  I really thought they loved each other.
Wondering....

Dear Wondering,
You are not the only one who is wondering about their relationship and what this means.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a celebrity,and to have your relationship all over the news and internet:  photos, info, misinformation, hearsay, comments from those you trusted, "spies", reporters, gossip, opinions, conjecture.  And we also don't know what actually happened. You know the expression, "There's your story, my story, and the way it happened". There is  a lot we don't know.

What we do know is that there were passionate feelings and violent acts.  Given that, we have some guidelines to consider:

• There are better problem-solving strategies that anger, rage, and physical brutality.
• Being hit, pummeled, bitten, or choked, is not the victim's (survivor's) fault.
• Intimate partner abuse involves, men and women, women and men, women and women, and men and men.
• Most relationship violence is still secret and shameful.
• Communication strategies, stress management, and anger management can be learned.

The only good that I can see in the public nature of their troubled relationship right now is that the issue is on the table, up front and center, for discussion. Bloggers, writers, families, teachers, clergy, counselors, each of us can use this as a teachable moment to educate for prevention, to advocate for bystanders to get involved, to provide resources for crisis intervention.  We can ask ourselves, our peers, children, teens, partners, what would you do in a similar situation? What have you done in the past?  What might you do differently now?  What would you need to do someething differently, or to help a friend?

Both Chris and Rihanna need support and intensive work to heal physically and emotionally.  Perhaps only then is there hope for the two of them.  And perhaps not.

Please don't be afraid to call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline   1 800 799 7233 or to read about relationship violence on www.ndvh.org.  For information and resources about dating violence,  check out,  http://www.thesafespace.org.  We can learn, find support, and take action.

Thank you for writing in about this issue.  It shows a lot of caring, empathy, and depth.  I'm certain that your question will help others.
Jud