When To Go From Dating to Sex?
Hey Jud,
How long should you be dating somebody before you have sex? There seems to be a lot of advice out there that you should make men wait to have sex. I suppose it is because there is a perception that if you have sex too soon, it gives the message that you aren't interested in a relationship. What do you think?
Hey, How long should you be dating somebody before you have sex? There seems to be a lot of advice out there that you should make men wait to have sex. I suppose it is because there is a perception that if you have sex too soon, it gives the message that you aren't interested in a relationship. What do you think?
This Q is HOT, HOT, HOT!
There are books that explain and experts who will give you rules. But that is not me, and you are asking me. And I'm so GLAD you are! From your question, I will assume you are a hetero woman. If you were a man into men, you likely wouldn't be asking this Q, since men are socialized so differently. I am not saying that there aren't gay men who choose to wait and get to know another man before they have sex. It's just seems that the patterns of sex first, get to know you later, are different among men. Everyone wants to know what the right decision is:
If I do it too soon, will I push him away?
seem too easy? seem too desperate?
never see him again?
If I wait, will I push him away?
Seem to hard to get? Seem too weird?
Seem like I'm not into him, or into sex? We can drive ourselves crazy with figuring out not only the right action to take, decision to make. We can also drive ourselves crazy second guessing the other person. What if we went inside and asked ourselves what WE wanted? If we waited, then we would be choosing to wait until we wanted to be intimate, close, or sexual with someone. If we chose to have sex earlier, then that's a decision too, a choice to express that physical and perhaps intimate part of ourselves. Women still want to be good girls inside, doing the right thing. Of course, other women are more the love 'em and leave 'em type ,and clearly men have feelings too. I am not saying abandon your feelings and surrender to the moment. I am saying check in with yourself and see what you want to do, not what you think you should or shouldn't do. and then give yourself permission to be in the moment, not driving yourself crazy thinking about what HE is thinking. Similarly, be aware of your feelings and how hard you are judging yourself. As a woman you can give yourself permission to notice how you feel and then to choose to act on those feelings, and then being ok with your decisions. That may be the hardest part. It isn't about what HE thinks, it is about what you think. I support you in making good decision for yourself whatever they are, and to be forgiving of yourself for any mistakes. You made the best decision you could with the information at the time.With pleasure,
Jud
